Twenties, A Human's Selfish Moment

Many of us are celebrate 17 as no longer being adolescents but adults. Somehow, the number seventeen is assumed as a representation of entering maturity. Those who are turn seventeen will be expected to have a deep thought before making a decision. However, we sometimes forget that seventeen is still teenager, not yet twenties or even thirties. In twenties, the real transition from immature to adulthood is happen. The deep thoughts, questions, reflections about surrounding will be transpired in everybody's mind, well, at least in my mind.

Here are not my complaints about me entering twenties-world but more of sharing on what I experience now (I am twenty years old when I am making this post). So, now in my twenties, I feel:

- Lost. I pretty much questioning about what I am doing now and what I will do next in the future. If live was a book, I wish I could read its final page and could scan the pages. It feels like I am lost and confined in the middle of a jungle, I don't know which path I shall choose yet there is no leading mark in every path. Means, I have no one to figure. I have to choose the path for me to walk to and have to responsible for it; take every risk and consequence.

- Vague. I feel undetermined with my own life. I search the meaning of my life, yet the more I search, the more I feel degenerate. I try to know myself; seeking for my good and bad, plus and minus, but the minus ones are always appear first and most. 

- Insecure. I underestimate myself all the time by comparing to my friends who are much more greater than me. I question my abilities, my skills, my interests even my hobbies. Well, there is a time when I say to myself, "Every person is different, you can't compare yourself with them," but the insecurity will always come. I doubt myself can do or produce something great, and this is become a problem now since I start to work on my undergraduate thesis and I distrust myself can do this eminently.

- Contemplative. I start to think about everything in my life deeply, such as analyzing my own behavior to find which one to keep and to toss. I know that I am a kind of highly annoying person that makes my friends sometimes exasperated and I sometimes really sorry about it. In my twenty, I reflect myself, looking through the mirror, to find who I really am and how I can deal with that.

I think it's all right for me to consider twenties as a moment for human being a selfish person ever. My assumption do believe that it's not only me who feel these kind of feelings, well, I will generalized this: Every human being who passed twenties MUST have felt this selfish moment. Why do I call this moment "selfish"? Because in twenties, human are tend to think about his or herself prior than anything else. 

Trying something, making mistakes, correcting the errors are the common things to happen in twenties. Embrace yourself if you haven't reach your twenty yet, enjoy your selfish moment if you are twenties. ;)

God bless us,

-eschilla

My confession: I AM ADDICTED TO INTERNET (Tips)

Hai! 

It's been a while since the last time I posted in this blog. The sixth semester was make me gone mad. Never ending assignments, tasks and papers were succeed to grasp my spare time. It was common for me to sleep after midnight, at certain moment when I had assignments to be submitted I even sleep at 3 a.m with laptop still on, woke up at 6 a.m to finish all the things and went to my campus in rush. I think almost everyday I nearly fallen asleep in almost all my morning classes and to make it worst, I always sat in the very front row in the class, so...yes, I am sure the lecturer always caught me. Taking notes was not really helping because sometimes I scrawled things on a paper which I didn't even know what it means. The way I chose to shoo sleepy feeling away was excuse myself to the toilet and while I walked I stretch my body as if I was going to exercise, in the toilet I splashed my face with water in a hope I could wake up. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. Thank God, I could pass the whole semester in relieve...well, yeah, not really because only two subjects which the final grades is already announced, but anyway, let's hope for the best!

Picture is taken from: Source.

In the past few months, I discovered that I am addicted to smartphone, to make it more detail: to internet and its social media. In the very beginning of my sixth semester, I often found myself laid on my bed scrolled Instagram, Twitter and Facebook feed at 6:30 am while I had class at 7 am. I did shout to myself, "GET UP! YOU HAVE A CLASS IN THIRTY MINUTES!!!" but my phone was more attempting than the lecture. At one point, when I felt I have to take an action, I decided to uninstall my Instagram and Twitter application, now there are only LINE and Opera Mini which stay installed in my phone. Oh, I still set Twitter and Facebook as bookmarks, though, I don't want to live in a cave you know. Then, I googled for tips and tricks escaping from internet addiction but I found them not suit me. And, finally, I seek for my own way to escape from this addiction. The process is not instant, failure is a common thing since I am not a discipline person. Here are few ways I do to reduce my addiction. 

P.S: I am still working on it therefore I cannot say that I have succeeded myself, but I can see my addiction is reduced step by step.

Admiring the Nature at Ndoro Dongker House of Tea

Hai everyone!

I realized that it's been months and I haven't posted the third edition of Youth Peace Camp YMCA :( I will find a way and time to continue write that post, promise!

You have read my previous post about Valentine's day which turned to be Val-ashes day, right? The next day after Valentine's day, 15 February, me and my boyfriend supposed to have a little celebration. But what could we do? Ashes covered everything, we couldn't go anywhere. The next week, when ashes was decreased, Mas Dody's allergy was relapse. He got sick so we had to cancelled our plan. FINALLY after two weeks postponed, last Saturday (2/3/14) we could manage it! :D

Val-ashes' Day & Sexen's Charity Concert Invitation

Yesterday, 14th of February 2014 was supposed to be Valentine's day but it was turned to be Val-ashes' day since Kelud Mountain which located at Kediri, East Java erupted. Actually it was erupted Thursday night, 13th February at 22:50, I heard the news from radio when me, my boyfriend and his mom went back home after attended a church service in Solo, Central Java. At first, we thought it was the news about Sinabung Mountain which has been erupted for the past few months and all of us were shocked when we realized what's the reporter been talking about is Kelud Mountain.

Kemarin, 14 Februari 2014 yang harusnya jadi hari Valentine berubah jadi hari Val-ashes, hari berabu karna gunung Kelud yang ada di Kediri, Jawa Timur meletus. Sebenarnya letusan terjadi Kamis malam, 13 Februari pukul 22:50, aku denger beritanya lewat radio waktu aku, pacar dan mamanya si pacar pulang dari ibadah di Solo, Jawa Tengah. Awalnya, kita pikir itu berita tentang gunung Sinabung yang sedang bererupsi beberapa bulan terakhir dan kita semua kaget waktu tau ternyata yang lagi diberitakan itu gunung Kelud.

I directly text my mother, she said she already knew about the eruption and she heard the sound like thunder from Kelud Mountain. I thought it was impossible because Kelud is more than 150 km away from my house. It is too far away. 

We arrived at my boyfriend's house at 23:00, my boyfriend decided to sleep at home because it was too late to go back to Jogja. At home, my boyfriend turned on the television and set the channel on news, I almost cried when I saw the news because I pity the people there :(

Aku langsung SMS mamaku, beliau bilang udah tau tentang letusannya dan beliau denger suaranya. Aku mikirnya itu ga mungkin banget solanya Kelud itu jaraknya lebih dari 150km dari rumah. Itu tuh jauh bangettt.

Kita sampe di rumah pacar jam 11 malam, pacar memutuskan untuk nginep di rumahnya karena udah terlalu malem kalo kita balik ke Jogja. Sampai di rumah, si pacar langsung nyalain tv dan nyetel saluran berita, aku hampir aja nangis waktu liat beritanya. Kasian sama orang-orang disana, cuy :(

The next morning, 14th February, my boyfriend's mom woke me up and told me to use mask because volcanic ash rain poured there. Of course I was shocked because I never thought the eruption would affect my city, Klaten! So what's my mother said is true then, that she heard the sound of the eruption! 

I woke up and went outside, everything turned gray. Ashes were everywhere! I called my mother to ask home's condition and she said the ashes rain was happen there too but everything was fine. 

Paginya, 14 Februari, mamanya pacar bangunin aku dan nyuruh aku pake masker karena terjadi hujan abu disana. Jelas aja aku kaget, anjir ga kepikiran kalo erupsinya bakal ngaruh sampe kotaku, Klaten! Jadi apa yang mamaku bilang bener kalo doi denger suara letusannya!

Aku bangun dan keluar, semuuuaaannya berubah jadi abu-abu. Abu bertebaran dimana-mana! Aku telfon mamaku buat nanya kondisi rumah dan doi bilang disana juga terjadi hujan abu tapi untungnya baik-baik aja.

I didn't even think about Valentine anymore at that day, I was just think about the condition the victims, the evacuees there.  I even almost did a reckless act; I wanted to go to Kediri to be a volunteer, but my parents stopped me, even my boyfriend said that I was too reckless and decided without even considered it first. 

Aku bahkan ga mikirin tentang Valentine lagi hari itu, aku cuma mikirin kondisi para korban, para pengungsi disana. Aku bahkan hampir ngelakuin hal gegabah; Aku mau pergi ke Kediri buat jadi relawan, tapi orangtuaku ngelarang, bahkan pacar juga bilang kalo aku terlalu gegabah dan memutuskan sesuatu tanpa dipikirin dulu.

Nothing we did that day except sleeping and scrolling Twitter's timeline. We (my boyfriend, his youngest brother, our dog Kara and I) were stay in the bedroom because everything outside was covered with dust and ashes.

Nggak ada yang kita lakuin siang itu kecuali tidur dan ngecek lini masa Twitter. Kita (pacar, adeknya yang paling kecil, si Kara anjing kita dan aku) ngendon di dalam kamar karna di luar semuanya ketutup debu dan abu.

Approximately at 12:30 we (my boyfriend and I) went to Jogja to take all my things then went back to Klaten, to my house. On the way, the street was... terrifying. It was less than 3 meters for the visibility, mas Dody drove the car only 10-20km/hour fast, the atmosphere inside the car was tense. The possibility to crash was very high; based on what mas Dody said it could be us that attack the car in front or another car from our back that attack us. It was worse than water rain, it even worse than what happened when Merapi Mountain erupted in 2010. Well, maybe the pictures will tell you.

Sekitar pukul 12:30 kita (aku dan pacar) berangkat ke Jogja buat ambil barang-barangku trus balik ke Klaten, ke rumahku. Di jalan, jalanannya tuh...serem abis! Jarak pandang kurang dari 3 meter, mas Dody nyetir cuma dengan kecepatan 10-20 km/jam, suasana di dalam mobil tegang. Kemungkinan kecelakaan tuh tinggi banget; menurut mas Dody bisa aja kita yang nabrak mobil di depan atau mobil dari belakang yang nabrak kita. Itu tuh lebih serem daripada hujan air, bahkan jauh lebih parah dibandingkan erupsi Merapi tahun 2010. Mungkin foto bakal lebih berbicara *cie gitu*.

What I Learn in College?

It’s nearly three years I am studying at English Letters Department of Sanata Dharma University, time surely goes fast! It feels like tomorrow I just started my college day as a freshman and now, counting the days to be a senior! Wow, I can’t believe I becoming a senior (‘__’)

This February I will begin my sixth semester which will be filled with paper and…papers. In the sixth semester all students of English Letters here will have to do research papers on both linguistics and literature, we cannot choose which subject to be taken yet because we’ll do it in the seventh semester. To be honest, I have no interest in literature, really. I did have it when I was in the third semester because I thought it is easier than the linguistics one, but after I passed my fourth semester I totally changed my mind. For me, literature is a really complicated subject and those who mastered it are smart person(s). In literature, even though I have finished read a book, I will have to reread it again and again to be able to deeply analyze it and find evidences for my analysis. I am an easy-to-be-bored person; therefore I think literature is not my destiny.

Studying for almost three years here of course gives me some lessons in academics that apparently related to the life. At first, I didn’t recognize this but when I was in the fourth semester I found out that the theories I learn in the class can also be used in my daily life, they are very useful!

How to BOOST Your Confidence [Tips & Tricks]

Not many people know behind my loudness and cheerful behavior I have an issue; I am a loner.  Every time I am in a crowded place I will feel like a stranger there, usually I will remove myself from the circle, stand alone then staring at them like watching a movie. While other people feel uncomfortable having dinner alone at a restaurant, I have no problem sitting on a chair alone while eating my delicious food. Realized that this is a weird habit, I tried to find the reason why I became a loner like now. Can you guess what the main reason is? Confidence, yes it is the main reason lead to many sub-reasons like shy, uncomfortable and feel underestimated. Finding my confident feeling is not that easy, I often had fights with my own self and had to lose my egoism, you know how hard it is to lose your ego.

After found the main reason of my weird habit, I try to find the solution and I practice it every time, even until now. Luckily I have supportive surroundings which help me to practice all of the tricks without any one notice it. Here, I want to share my tricks to develop my confidence so that it is not only me who get enlightenment (?) in life HEHEHE :P

P.S: Basically, these are all cliché tricks that always echoed whenever we talk about self-confident.