Many of us are celebrate 17 as no longer being adolescents but adults. Somehow, the number seventeen is assumed as a representation of entering maturity. Those who are turn seventeen will be expected to have a deep thought before making a decision. However, we sometimes forget that seventeen is still teenager, not yet twenties or even thirties. In twenties, the real transition from immature to adulthood is happen. The deep thoughts, questions, reflections about surrounding will be transpired in everybody's mind, well, at least in my mind.
Here are not my complaints about me entering twenties-world but more of sharing on what I experience now (I am twenty years old when I am making this post). So, now in my twenties, I feel:
- Lost. I pretty much questioning about what I am doing now and what I will do next in the future. If live was a book, I wish I could read its final page and could scan the pages. It feels like I am lost and confined in the middle of a jungle, I don't know which path I shall choose yet there is no leading mark in every path. Means, I have no one to figure. I have to choose the path for me to walk to and have to responsible for it; take every risk and consequence.
- Vague. I feel undetermined with my own life. I search the meaning of my life, yet the more I search, the more I feel degenerate. I try to know myself; seeking for my good and bad, plus and minus, but the minus ones are always appear first and most.
- Insecure. I underestimate myself all the time by comparing to my friends who are much more greater than me. I question my abilities, my skills, my interests even my hobbies. Well, there is a time when I say to myself, "Every person is different, you can't compare yourself with them," but the insecurity will always come. I doubt myself can do or produce something great, and this is become a problem now since I start to work on my undergraduate thesis and I distrust myself can do this eminently.
- Contemplative. I start to think about everything in my life deeply, such as analyzing my own behavior to find which one to keep and to toss. I know that I am a kind of highly annoying person that makes my friends sometimes exasperated and I sometimes really sorry about it. In my twenty, I reflect myself, looking through the mirror, to find who I really am and how I can deal with that.
I think it's all right for me to consider twenties as a moment for human being a selfish person ever. My assumption do believe that it's not only me who feel these kind of feelings, well, I will generalized this: Every human being who passed twenties MUST have felt this selfish moment. Why do I call this moment "selfish"? Because in twenties, human are tend to think about his or herself prior than anything else.
Trying something, making mistakes, correcting the errors are the common things to happen in twenties. Embrace yourself if you haven't reach your twenty yet, enjoy your selfish moment if you are twenties. ;)
God bless us,
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| -eschilla |
